CIRCLES ALL THE WAY DOWN
The aroma of freshly brewing ginger tea whirled above my face, rested horizontally on my pillow and tingled my nostrils. Sun’s rays pierced my corneas through the crescents of my eyes and ushered me into the day by giving my torso a warm embrace. This quintessential morning affair helped me establish the fact that I had in fact woken up at my home in Pune, India.
My favourite part of being a brand designer, a place-brand designer to be specific is that I get to travel a lot, explore the unexplored, experience the full spectrum of emotions, soak in the complex information and build a narrative of being swamped with branding projects instead of sitting in my bed with a blank face placed between the two palms of my hands, giving in to the traps of the existential questions that have lodged themselves permanently into the attic of my mind palace.
My life has always revolved around questions. Even as I took the first sip of the tea brought to me in bed by my mother, I remember thinking why at all did I decide to go forward with the alumni event at my school when project deadlines were literally pouring down on me like torrential rains. I was not particularly excited about visiting my school. The idea of living a past reality all over again made me feel uncomfortable. I was not the same person as I was fifteen years ago when I graduated school. The only thing that was similar to the eighteen and the thirty-three year old Rutvi was the internal battle of FOMO vs JOMO that was raging inside my mind even at this moment.
The birds on the trees across my window, however, looked cheerful and chirped almost as if in anticipation of the day that was yet to unfold, a day that I had lived in my dreams or perhaps in a parallel dimension that could only be perceived by them.
Today was indeed a very special day in my life but I could not get myself to admit it. All my values as an empath and as a designer have to manifest within my actions, within my designs and heaven forbid if I decide to acknowledge my wins and talk about them. I was supposed to receive an award at my school recognising my contributions to India’s design sector. I was also supposed to deliver a ten-minute long speech to the current cohorts at my school today. I got dressed as I thought which of the two tasks felt more daunting.
“Kon tu”? (Who are you?) the security guard asked me as I stepped into my school’s premises. Ironically, I had been asked this question at the exact spot fifteen years ago. In fact, a spiteful “Kon tu?” uttered from a certain person’s mouth was the foundation of my career. And to think of it, who really was I? Was I a boring human pretending to be a brand designer or was I a shrewd brand designer pretending to be humane? Over the years, the nature of the questions I ask myself has kept on evolving in an unhinged manner but the “Kon Tu?” has been my constant companion.
I assured Sham kaka (the guard) of my identity and walked towards the venue hall to see my schoolmates hovering around the stairs leading up to the dais. We joked for a bit and I returned to the seat reserved for me. As I attempted to adjust the pleats of my saree gracefully, I saw a hundred cheerful and a hundred confused faces enter the lady Ramabai hall. I could easily place the eighteen year old Rutvi within their cliques. Fifteen years ago, I had walked into this very room with questions- Who is Rutvi? Did she ever exist for her peers? Would they remember her ten years later? What would they remember her for? hovering in my mind.
Today, my destiny perseverance had given me the surreal opportunity of answering all these questions myself. Today, as I walked up to the dais to receive my award, I witnessed my life come to a full circle.
The time I spent at UAL, London College of Communication pursuing my MA in Graphic Branding and Identity granted me the opportunity to ponder on questions. The MA dared to challenge the timid caterpillar of me to emerge out of the chrysalis of my self-conscious disposition and morph into a butterfly all ready to flutter along the stream of consciousness.
If it weren’t for the MA, I would not have been able to realise the beauty of these existential questions that my brain serves me as breakfast. The MA handed me the responsibility of catering to these questions in the most creative way possible by cooking up a three-course meal of complexity, capability and opportunity.
Experiencing a full circle moment made me think about circles. I think that circles make up for an interesting shape. They are an epitome of symmetry and grace symbolising life itself. As I stood up on the dais talking about my experience as a designer, all I could see was a kaleidoscope of vibrant circles forming and dissolving against a dark background. That is when it struck me.
I did watch a full circle moment unfold before my eyes but I had been unjust while turning a blind eye to the other moments in my life which were just as infinite and just as complete. I realise now that life is not about slogging everyday until you witness a full circle moment at last. Perhaps, life is about acknowledging a multiverse of a full circles being created and completed simultaneously. My design journey has led me to discover the enigma that lies within these circles.
“As humans, we have gotten the age-old saying all twisted. I believe it ought to be ‘circles all the way down’ instead of it being ‘turtles all the way down’ ” Saying this, I ended my ten-minute long speech.
The event went quite well, better than I expected, to be honest. Was it because of my award? or was it because I figured out the ‘circles all the way down’ analogy on the spot? No one will ever know.
There is one thing, however, that I know for sure. I will walk through the circle of inquiry with every project I undertake because that is what I think makes me a good designer. Questions increase my integrity as a designer and hence I will listen all my rude and intrusive questions with pure earnestness (Why do you think a question mark looks like an ear?) These questions push me to think about cultures, empathy, ethics and morals involved in any piece of tangible or intangible design. Questions lead me to discover and complete my circles. Why else would you think question marks flaunt the little circle in their symbol?
The aftermath of this long, painful writing task
I am not even kidding. You have no idea what just happened. Maybe I am putting a lot of thought into it, maybe it is just a coincidence, but who cares? I was writing this task when I received a message on my school’s WhatsApp group chat. I am attaching a screenshot of it beneath this. Make what you want out of it.
Language Development Class task (Twenty minutes) :
It was a dreadful Friday when I realized the amount of course work that had piled up after two months of rigorous academic class schedule. I could see data spewing out of unwritten blogs, incomplete homework assignments and rotation briefs. I was determined to get all tasks completed before the weekend ended.
I got myself a cup of coffee and sat at my desk. I stared at the screen for some hours. My eyes watered from exhaustion but my brain refused to think of solutions that would lead me to complete my assignments. I lay on bed dreaming about the demons of the unticked to-do list. I woke up and it was a Sunday. I spent the afternoon turning pages of my sketchbook, looking for inspiration. In the evening, I decided to finally leave my desk and do my laundry because I have learnt the hard way that adulting cannot wait.
I stepped into the laundry room and that is when the first idea hit my brain. As I poured the detergent, loaded my clothes into the drum and cursed the Circuit Go app, more ideas started coming in. I spent two entire days at my desk waiting for the ideas to arrive but they only manifested themselves when I left my workspace.
I realised then, that movement motivates me. The state of urgency puts me in a position to think creatively, giving rise to more ideas. In the future, not too distant, I will actively design my day to fit in all sorts of tasks instead of fixating and worrying about the assignments. I will stay in motion and try to enjoy the entire process as much as I enjoy taking pride in my creative output.